Tuesday, February 10, 2009

"We have to Talk"

TUESDAY February 10th
During lunch we got a call from our coordinator that we needed to talk after lunch. Now normally when you hear words like that it means a break up or something bad. We were not eager to hear. We were with the translator today as the coordinator had to spend the day dealing with our documents and meeting with the judge. When we met up with her she told us the Judge requested 3 more documents!!!!! Now, I hate to hear about more documents because over the past 2 months I have been running around chasing after a gazillion new ones. Of course, hearing about this NOW- just 3 days before court is not ideal to say the least. We were stunned and freaking out. Mike was not a happy camper and really just wanted to curse out the judge. We talked him down and assured him that the judge would not appreciate that and we cannot jeopardize our girls! So- we listened, complained, screamed and then figured it out. A frantic call went out to our agency, documents we had here were scanned and the agency is working on the documents. We pay them the big bucks and this is what they need to be here for us for. It is not like we could do anything from here anyway!!!! We were reassured by the coordinator that this is not a problem. We are able to go to court and proceed with the adoption and even get the girls home before the documents get to the Judge. But they have to be done today in order to have the apostille date be before the trial date. SO needless to say this was not a fun afternoon. We were hoping to get in an hour nap after lunch before returning to the orphanage but with all the back and forth we didn’t even have a second to sit down before we had to head back to see the girls for our afternoon visit.

Today is only day 1 and really only morning 1 and we are already emotionally drained (and jet lag doesn’t help)

Our second visit was wonderful. We were able to use the back play room and had the room to ourselves. It was great to crawl around on the floor and play with them without all of the front door interactions and interruptions. Dasha bloomed. We played with a touch and feel book and lots of toys. Masha and Michael enjoyed some fun interaction and by the end of the afternoon we were thrilled to see Masha crawling. Yay! The girls got to spend some time together also and it was nice to see them look at each other and interact, even if it was only to steal one another’s toys or throw things at each other (Masha did the stealing and dasha did the throwing!)

Later in the afternoon we had a brief meeting with the orphanage doctor and the social worker. The Doctor went over the girls medicals one more time and specified items that are on their updated medical. Apparently before a child is adopted they have to have a complete physical. That is great, and we had no idea it was done in December after we met the girls. Thankfully we were told that a number of issues we had heard about from the original medicals have been resolved. They were both deemed physically healthy with some minor delays. We have to remember some of the terms and items on the medicals because the judge will ask us if we are aware of their diagnosis. Quick and easy talk with her (with our coordinator as our translator) Of course not so easy with 2 toddlers in your arms so nothing got written down. Just now as I am journaling and am putting the things on to paper to remember them for court? Then we had our turn with the social worker. She asked if we missed them and if we thought they remembered us; If I was staying home or who else would be taking care of the children, will they have their own room or stay in the room with us in the beginning, if the economic crisis in the US has adversely affected us or mikes’ job. She asked if our families were supportive in the adoption process and a number of other questions like that. Later on our translator said that this was a preview of the questions that the judge will ask at our trial. Before the decision of the court is handed down supposedly the orphanage doctor and the social worker will give their recommendations. So, all in all it went very well. I think they like us and like the fact that I will be staying home with the girls. She specifically asked how I was going to handle 2 at once and if I would have help. They were all impressed that both sets of parents are coming over to Russia to be a part of this amazing experience.

We brought the kids up to their groupa room for a dinner of porridge and bread. Smelled gross. The kids are placed in little kid sized chairs and tiny tables and basically feed themselves. They were given a piece of bread to chew on as they wait in the line to be feed the porridge by a caregiver. They both cried when taken out of our arms. I had to pull Michael out of the room to leave.

We headed back to the hotel. 24 hour cafeteria cheap dinner and then straight to bed. It is 9:45 right now. Mike fell asleep around 8:45. I am off to sleep now. Looking forward to a good night’s sleep and the fact that we do not have to get up so early tomorrow. We are being left alone with the translator for the day of visiting with the girls. Our coordinator is in court all day tomorrow with the other couple. Sending them my prayers and good vibes for a quick and easy trial tomorrow. Also looking forward to hearing all about it and getting a debriefing at dinner. Good night.

We see the Girls today!

We woke up so excited this morning to see the girls. We left at 9:30 to go directly to the orphanage. The smell of sour milk and cooked cabbage was more overwhelming than I had remembered. But, once you are there for a while you do not notice the smell anymore. The girls were brought right to us. They had been dressed in the Hello Kitty outfits that we brought for them on the first trip. This time Masha was in the pink and Dasha was in the Purple. I did not know if they would look exactly the same. I do not think they grew much But their hair is definitely longer. Masha has these adorable curls in the back and Dasha also has some waves. They were adorable. The outfits were still huge on them. The other couples daughter looked great too. The outfit she was dressed in was for 3-6 month olds. So I am sure all the 9 month clothing we bought and were given will still fit them when we get them home. Hopefully not for long though, as I hope they show a good increase in height and weight as soon as they get home.

The girls were just precious. Since we were there a bit early today I think they were both just woken up from a nap so it took a while for them to wake up and interact. But I was thrilled that they both came right to us. I doubt they remember us. We didn’t see them for 2 months. We did leave a small photo album for both but I am not certain that they kept them with the girls or if the girls even got to look at them while we were gone.

We had to play with them in the lobby area but thankfully were able to get a mat on the floor to play with them instead of keeping them confined to the sofa. Masha was very quiet and reserved. Michael had a wonderful time just sitting with her, rocking her, and rubbing her back. He has such a patient touch with her. They played and cuddled. Dasha on the other hand was a ball of energy that I had remembered her being. Now she can pull herself up stand unassisted and walk a few steps before falling over. It is absolutely adorable. She loves taking my glasses off of my face and putting every toy in her mouth. We definitely see an increase in development in Masha too. She is more dexterous and seems a little stronger than 2 months ago. She is still not crawling or standing but I am sure once we get her home and work with her she will catch up.

At 11:30 the Orphanage doctor can in and said the girls were tired. She did not want to over stimulate them on the first visit of the trip. We agreed that Masha was beginning to get fussy and rub her eyes so they took her up for her nap. Michael was devastated. He did not want to let her go. We waited 2 months for the chance to get back her to see them and they had wanted to take her away a ½ hour early than normal. We did not want to be without her. But, we are not their legal parents yet so we have to listen to what the heads of the orphanage tell us to do. We were sad to say good bye but happy to finally see her again and begin the rest of the process. Dasha on the other hand was still a ball of energy so we got to spend an extra ½ hour with her. She loves to play, practice walking and be a silly girl. At 12 ish we handed her back to caregivers and left for lunch. Off to our staple Russian restaurant. I had Salanca soup and some of Mike's pork chop. Here is the restaurant sign:

Monday, February 9, 2009

A Day in Moscow & the 8 Doc Medical Exam

It was really nice to have some free time this morning before officially beginning this trip. Since we did not have to meet the coordinator until 12 noon. We spent the time sightseeing around the Kremlin, Lenin’s tomb, and St Basel's Cathedral which is so cool looking. We had no time to go shopping in the G.U.M. shopping center but it looked really beautiful and I got to window shop a little. Took lots of pictures but it was freezing out, snow on the ground and the streets and sidewalks were basically a sheet of ice. So slippery it was like ice skating without the skates. We saw all we wanted and still had time for a short nap before we had to check out and meet up with the coordinator. Here are some pictures of us acting like tourists:


At noon we packed up the van and headed out. We tried to go down to Old Arabat Street to walk around and eat lunch but traffic was a nightmare and we could not find any parking, even after circling for ½ hour. So we decided to go closer to the Medical center since we were running out of time. We ate at a little Italian Place. Food was good. What we hate and are so not used to any more is the smoking in restaurants. It is so gross.

The American Medical Centers was 2 blocks away and we arrived a little early for our 4 pm appointment. What we were told was a formality and would only take 30 minutes turned into a 2 ½ hour event. We sat in the waiting room and waited to be called in to see each of the 8 doctors. These included a Pulmonologist, infectious disease, dermatologist, neurologist, psychiatrist, addictionist. Most of them asked us one or 2 questions and signed the papers. A couple looked in our mouth, felt some glands, took blood pressure. Nothing exciting. What took so long was the waiting. We had brought with us the results of our blood tests and TB chest x-rays so that we would not have to do those things in Russia. (I have no desire to have Russian needles in my arms). Thankfully the clinic is very new looking, really clean and very American in style. We felt very comfortable and many of the doctors spoke English. It turns out that the doctors had wanted us to bring the actual chest x-rays with us. We only brought the sheet of paper stating the conclusion (that our chest is clear and normal, we do not have TB) they were concerned and wanted to take another x-ray but somehow we talked our way out of having that done. Also, Mike’s blood work did not look complete and they had wanted to take more blood to check for Hepatitis. But once I showed them our Vaccination documents (Thank god I had thought to bring them with me-Mike had to run out to the van to get them out of our documents folder) the doctor said it was good enough. Yay- We finally got out of there by 6:30.

We had brought with us all of the gifts for coordinator and orphanage staff as per our agencies request. Of course our coordinator now tells us that we should not have taken them until the last trip to not be seen as trying to bribe anyone. So, she has graciously offered to hold them in her apartment for us during this time until we need them on the third trip once we are able to take the girls out of the orphanage. Pain in the ass but at least it gets them out of our hands and is one less thing we need to carry with us on the last trip.

We dropped the bags off at coordinators house and headed to Tver. It is night time, dark, icy etc. Took a long time. We finally got in around 11 pm. We are exhausted but starving so off to the 24 hour cafeteria for a quick dinner and now to bed. Exhausted but sooooooo so excited to see the girls tomorrow. I haven’t even had any time today to think about them, what will it be like to see them again, do you think they will remember us? Did the caregivers show them the photos of us that we left for them? Did they use the disposable camera to take pictures of them? So many thoughts running through my head. Well, goodnight. Tomorrow I will hold my daughters in my arms again. Sweet dreams.
Melissa

Sunday, February 8, 2009

TRIP 2- Russia here we come !

Saturday Feb 7 - Sunday Feb 8
We left on an Aeroflot flight at 8:20 pm. We sat in the nice club associated with Korean Air for the wait. There were a lot of middle aged Russian men toasting each other and downing shots of vodka.
The food was not as good on Aeroflot, certainly not as luxurious as Air France but seats do recline almost all the way. We both got between 4 and 5 hours of sleep. We arrived about ½ hour late. We got through passport control no problems and waited at the baggage carousel for my bag. We had to check a bag because we were carrying all of the gifts for the orphanage workers, our coordinator etc. I had packed my Suit and accessories for 2 days of trial. Also, since I am staying for between 16-30 days I had a lot more clothes, as well as gifts, toys and clothes for the twins. We stood around, with only 1 carousel working Athens and Prague and New York bags were all mixed together. It was a total mess. My bag was almost the very last one to come out of the carousel. I was beginning to freak out as I did not want to deal with lost luggage. We thankfully have a number of days before court so I knew even if it was lost we could probably get it before we needed it but I definitely did not want to worry about that. Finally I got my bag and we proceeded out of customs to meet our driver and get to the Courtyard Marriott in Moscow city center.

We had planned to check in and relax a little before we were scheduled to meet our coordinator at 8pm. Well, when we walked into the hotel lobby the coordinator was already there meeting with the other couple who has court 2 days before us. We immediately sat with her and were being prepped for the trial. We handed over our official last documents and went over the week’s schedule. Finally by 6:00 we were checked into our room. We went out for dinner with the other couple, looking for a fast food type place out on the main street (Tverskya Street) but could not find what we were looking for. By that time it was almost 8, we were exhausted and cold so Mike and I left them and headed back to the hotel restaurant for hamburgers. It was the only meal Mike ate all day. I had had some of the gross breakfast (really lunch in Russia time) on the plane. So we were starving, we ate and then conked out. Of course because of jet lag and the time difference we were both wide awake at 3:30 am. We skyped my parents by 5:15 am and were dressed ready and eating the continental breakfast buffet at 7:00 am Monday Morning.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

JUST ONE MORE DOCUMENT

My life these past few months seems to revolve around 'just one more document'. I am sure if I go back over my journaling and blog posts I will see a ton of references to "just one more document". It has been never ending with the things we have been asked for. Of course there is ONE MORE DOCUMENT that we were asked to provide.

Only 2 days before we leave and I am chasing down NY State law regarding age of adoptive parents and conferencing between my agency and homestudy agency to get this last letter written. I had already gone all the way down town yesterday morning to pick up the letter and by time I was back up town (to get my hair cut in midtown) I heard from my agency that it needed to be changed. So more back and forth- I finally got back down town to to pick up the new ones but too late to get anything certified and apostilled. So, off to the county clerk and dept of state I went this morning. Nothing like getting the last documents 1 day before we are set to leave. I can't imagine they can ask for anything more. Oy.

February 4th, 2009 ~ Mike is excited to go

Here's Michael's Email to his friends. Too cute.

From: Levine, Michael
Sent: Wednesday, February 04, 2009 11:11 PM

Subject: Russia Bound

Gentlemen:
Melissa and I got the final green light today, and so we will be off to Russia on Saturday to begin the second stage of our adoption journey. We will be in court on Friday Feb 13 (yes, Friday the 13th), and Monday Feb 16. Supposedly we will be questioned by both the judge and a prosecutor. Pretty brutal if you ask me.
Based on the info Melissa has received from couples who have gone to court over the past 6-10 months, it seems as if part of the process is for the judge or the prosecutor to try to rattle the parents (we've heard stories of woman crying as a result of questioning). Well, I do not think they will be able to shake me as I have many years of experience from taking loads of cr@p from all of you at one time or another.
Unfortunately, upon my return to the US on Wed Feb 18, I will not have the girls with me, because after court, the Russians will make us wait 10 business days until we can take the girls out of the orphanage. Of course, to our luck, there is a Russian holiday a few days after the Feb 16 court date, so that will prolong our wait. At this point, I will return to the US on Feb 17, Melissa's parents will join Melissa in Russia for a week, and then they will return around Feb 23, and then finally Melissa, my parents and I will return to Russia on Feb 28/Mar 1 for the third stage of the process. We do not have an exact return date, but we hope to fly back to the US with the girls Mar 10, Mar 11 or Mar 12.
Attached is the first great family photo. Meredith is sitting on Melissa's lap, and Danielle is sitting on my lap.
(dosvi`daniya)

Michael

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Adoption Brain

I always heard about the term 'pregnancy brain', when my pregnant friends were forgetful, clumsy, obsessed with nesting , even self absorbed etc. Of course I never knew if it was a 'real thing', but I know that everyone came out of it eventually (and even though I am positive I used it as an excuse during my 24 week pregnancy last year- I have completely blocked out that period in my mind!)

Well, now I think I have 'adoption brain'. I feel like I am 40 weeks pregnant, uncomfortable and anxious to 'get this baby out'. I am self absorbed and scatterbrained. I cannot focus on anything else except getting back to Russia to our girls. I certainly have not been a great friend. So, to my family and friends, to everyone who has left me a phone, email and/or Facebook message- I apologize. I know you all have your own things going on in your lives, and I should be eager to listen to your stories and problems, help you in your time of need. I am sorry to not be able to focus, and I feel really crappy about it and myself. I really did think of myself as a good friend before this. And I also know you are all excited about our new adventure and want to hear all the details. But I seem to not want to talk to or be with anyone at the moment. This entire week Mike has been working really hard to finish work projects up before we leave. He has been at work until 10, 11, 12 pm every night. I am by myself all day every day and while I know I should call on my friends and family, check in with people, see how everyone is doing, talk about my fears to close friends who I know will listen and give advice, I have not wanted to do any of it!I am just in my mind and my own world right now.

My mind has been so full- with paperwork and document details everyday. So many travel details and itinerary changes daily to keep up with. Now, it is the nerves about sitting in front of a Russian Judge in a week, a complete stranger who will decide the fate of the rest of my life. I am finally thinking about the prospect of soon becoming a parent to twin 1 year old girls and not having any clue of what to do with them. I spent the better part of 3 years trying to have a baby, now we are so close to being a family of 4 and I am completely freaked out! I am stressed about how much money this is all costing us and our families, scared about having to move out of the city, worried about having to sell our apartment (and more importantly to first get the apartment which is crammed with 8 years of clutter cleared out, cleaned up and ready to sell), and having to look for and buy a new house. I'm worried about Mike at work and his soon to be really long commute as well as the general shitty state of the economy which makes all of the above even more difficult and stressful than normal. (Wow- I just reread this- I did not know was was such a mess until I wrote it down!)

So, I am sure I will snap out of it. We are nearing the end. Of course, once I do snap out of it and once we get home, life as we know it will change forever. We will have toddler girls that we will have to tend to. We will be in lock down for a while to get used to each other, begin the bonding process, find a routine, and all that other good stuff. I know it will be difficult. Just as coming home with a new born is tough, I am not sure adoption is tougher or just different but I know both are overwhelming. I promise that I will be back -once the fog lifts. I am trying to keep up with everyone, I really am. I love you all and appreciate you putting up with me.

Melissa